Bound Together Through Conflict

Throughout the process of engaging in conflict there are often typical responses within divided groups.  Below are two different lists describing how different groups engage conflict.  One way leads to division, the other often results in conflicting groups being bound together by the conflict. 

Divided by Conflict

1. Issues and people are frequently confused. Personalities are the focus rather than specific concerns.

2. Conflict is viewed as wrong or dangerous to relationships.
3. Disagreement means a lack of respect or caring.
4. Leaders discourage differences.
5. In the stress of conflict:
           a. A few vocal leaders are heard, intimidating other members.
           b. Direct dialogue decreases and indirect dialogue increases.
6. Individuals react defensively or explosively to the views of others.
7. Discussion focuses on solution.
8. Timing is uneven. People delay a decision as long as possible and then rush to take a final vote.
9. There is a low tolerance of uncertainty.
10. People repress inner conflicts caused by past experiences and continually project them into the current conflict.


Bound by Conflict

1. Issues and people are separated. The focus is on what needs to be done rather than on what personalities will be involved and what people’s motives are.
2. Conflict is viewed as an opportunity.
3. Disagreement means engagement and involvement.
4. Leaders welcome open disagreement.
5. In the stress of conflict:
           a. Many voices are heard.
           b. Direct dialogue increases.
6. Individuals interact thoughtfully with others and only offer their own response after making an obvious effort to understand the other side.
7. Discussion focuses on process.
8. Timing is steady. People foresee issues, plan procedures, examine options, then prepare for a final decision.
9. There is a willingness to move calmly through the inevitable periods of uncertainty as all options are considered.
10. People are consciously aware of past hurts or unresolved conflicts and take responsibility not to project these in the current situation.


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