Conflict Styles

In many ways we're all experts at conflict because we deal with it everyday.  We've learned methods of engaging conflict to get want we want, to avoid it, or to negotiate to make everyone happy. Some of us are energised by conflict while others try to avoid it at any cost.  


Below are five styles that we often use in conflict.  You may see one style that you immediately recognise as the way you often deal with conflict. Most of us can probably recognise ourselves in each style depending on the context, relationships involved and what is to be gained or lost. Around our families we may become very competitive, while at work we may be more accommodating to maintain relationships. 


In some situations certain ways of dealing with conflict might be beneficial while in others these can continue to feed the conflict. Look through the list and try to recognise what style you often respond to conflict with and in what contexts you might respond differently. 


Avoidance - Conflict is avoided or ignored.  This action (or inaction) can often cause the conflict to be submerged only to arise again in the future, usually in a more dramatic fashion.

Accommodation - In response to conflict, an attempt is made to please most or everyone involved.  Great energy is taken to maintain relationships with all sides. Sometimes this can cause resentment.

Competition - The focus in a conflict is on achieving personal goals/targets and insisting on getting your way. In this "winner-takes-all" approach, it can be difficult to maintain positive relationships after the conflict.

Compromise - This is a way of working together to give everyone something, but no one everything.  This can result in people not being fully committed to the issues and not fully addressing the conflict. Sometimes people will use a vote in order to convey a sense of fairness while seeking to get their way.

Collaboration - The focus is on the problem and not on people’s personalities. There is deep concern for preserving relationships and meeting objectives.  In most cases, there will be a commitment from all sides to resolve a conflict or to support an agreement or settlement.


Next: Conflict as a Gift


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